On the last day of the year, I’m remembering Ro’s and my visit to Belize and spending New Year’s Eve in San Ignacio. This was the trip that made us decide to move here months later. And here we are.
Recently, we were talking about the move and everything that it’s been. We likened it to jumping off a ledge and learning to fly on the way down. As dramatic as that sounds, it has felt like that in so many ways. A lot didn’t go as planned, and there were periods of fierce doubt, fear, and anxiety about what was going to happen, how to pull this off, and how to manage so many things that were beyond my control. Even after finally getting here, I struggled with trying to reconcile my vision of what the experience should be with the realities of moving to a new country. Through all of it – quitting my job and leaving New York, navigating immigration and work authorization, dealing with financial issues and trying to find a way to fulfill my purpose here – I have had to trust the process.
There have also been good things, wonderful people and opportunities that have come into my life. I’ve had to learn to trust those as well, to know when to say “yes”, to be open to starting new relationships and being vulnerable. I’ve had to learn how to accept help and support, how to truly receive, how to be honest and authentic about what I want and need.
That’s what this year was about for me – trusting the process and trusting myself. With so many changes happening all at once, at times it felt like I didn’t know what I wanted and needed. Being so far away from the support and resources I’ve had for years, and not being able to define myself by my work and the money I make from it, have been huge challenges. I’ve had to figure out who I am in this new place, and be that person fully. And I’ve learned so much about myself and what I want. From moving here to my yoga practice to making the making the art I want to make, I have connected with what is important to me. Living in Belize has been a goal and a dream for years, and I made it happen because it’s what I want.
None of this has been perfect. There are still loose ends and things unfolding on their own, and I’m okay with that. I realized that I don’t need perfection or even need to know how it will all turn out. The biggest thing is that I tried.
2015 was a leap of faith. And I jumped. And it’s all good.
Happy new year, y’all.