Last night it poured, a heavy, steady rain, bringing relief from the intense heat we’ve had here in Belize during the hottest time of the year. I woke up this morning to quiet drizzle and the smell of cooling earth. As I sat outside drinking coffee on the wooden bench in front of my apartment, I noticed how much greener and lush the plants and trees looked, replenished and restored. I’m feeling this shift into rainy season, slow and subtle. It signals the arrival of a new cycle, carrying with it a freshness of perspective.
Tomorrow’s new moon in Taurus is also the beginning of a new cycle. It is an invitation to trust what we are building, to get down into the dirt and connect with the healing nourishment of what sustains us. It is a letting go, a release of our limiting beliefs around what we have and what we can be. A call to enter the knowing that we come from a fertile place – before the before – and we can return there again. A reminder that growth is always possible.
I welcome this energy and embrace its loving message. Lately I’ve had the understanding that I came to Belize to heal. To grow and expand, yes. But also to heal the part of me who feels insufficient, who didn’t get enough sunlight and watering, who still needs to hear “You are good.” The part of me who thinks I was doing life wrong because I didn’t make a certain amount of money, or have a bigger apartment or a better job. Who, after all these years, still believes I need to be fixed.
She has come with me a long way. We have traveled the road together, and through this process she reminds me that the healing path is not linear. That even when I think I am “done” with fear, it circles around and meets me down the road again, showing up and showing out, demanding to be acknowledged. And I know that with every step in this process of healing – anger, acceptance, being present with what wounds me – I am growing. Like the bloom that thrives in soil beneath the surface, it is happening even if I can’t see it.