Part of my morning routine includes journaling. I like to do it sitting outside with my tea or coffee, and I find it’s best first thing when I wake up, before I do anything online and get caught up in emails and social media, when my mind is clear and fresh, and my thoughts are honest. This is the time before the day develops a personality, and before I have any ideas about how I need to present myself.
Last night I dreamed that some women friends and I were having a ladies night here in town. We planned dinner and nighttime shenanigans, and had different outfits for the evening’s events, including fancy pajamas for our pre-bedtime cocktails and dancing in our hotel room. We were enjoying ourselves so much that we decided to start throwing events together, and began sharing our ideas and designing invitations. It was fun and exciting.
As I was writing in my journal this morning, a lot of stuff about money came up. It’s something I’ve been working through – my beliefs about money and earning, and feeling constricted by them. I could feel the mental tightness around it, the usual accompanying anxiety about how much money I have and whether it’s enough. And then I remembered my dream, how much fun the women and I were having, and how that organically led to us coming together to collaborate and share resources. It was a reminder that I can change my mind, at any moment, and open up to other possibilities.
So many parts of my move to Belize didn’t go as planned. My partner and I ended up coming at different times, we didn’t live where we thought we would, and the process of being able to work here has gone very differently from how I imagined. I’ve had to let go of my perfectionism. Some of my plans haven’t panned out. But one thing I’ve learned is that even though I don’t have control over everything, I can always change my mind. And not only does that help with managing my expectations about how things should go, it creates space for other outcomes. Just because I don’t see the good right away doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
There’s a certain messiness that comes with making big changes. I’ve gotten more comfortable with how that looks and feels, mainly because I’ve had to. Even with some of the drama that’s come with this process, I’ve never once considered leaving Belize or regretted our decision to move here. In fact, it’s quite the opposite – moving here has helped me trust myself more. It’s made me realize that I don’t have to hold onto limiting beliefs about myself and what’s possible.