It really isn’t so bad, and I’m staying hopeful that the tide will turn soon. Trusting.
I recognize this space. It’s the time right before stuff jumps off and a lot of movement happens, the zone where I know what I need is on its way. I’ve been here before. Right now it isn’t feeling so magical, though. More like frustrating and annoying.
It isn’t just things not working out that’s such a drag, it’s the accompanying mental and emotional foolishness – the worrying, the anxiety, the dredging up of old ghosts and sorry-ass has-beens that have so much to say about why I’m in this place, and I should have done such-and-such, and I’ll always struggle with so-and-so, and blah blah blah.
The boring old stories. I’m getting better at telling them to step off.
So I’m focusing on the simple shit. The good, little things that make me feel comforted and remind me of what’s present. Fresh watermelon. The return of mango season. The sunshine every day. The trees and flowers in front of my door. Doing yoga and meditating outside while the neighbors’ cats keep me company. Knowing fully that I’ve come through rough patches before, and that having challenges doesn’t mean something is wrong with me. Believing in the unseen hands of support. And love.