Last week there was a hurricane here in Belize, which resulted in us being without electricity for three days. We were lucky in that we still had running water and no serious flooding on the farm, and there wasn’t much water damage to my belongings except for a few soggy books and journals. All things that can be replaced. Still, it was uncomfortable and exhausting, with hot and buggy nights, and spoiled food.
The internet still isn’t working, and I’ve been biking into town every day to get online. I had a moment when I realized that I’ve become that person riding a bike in a dress and flip-flops, which is awesome. Especially considering how anxious I was about riding when we moved here last month. That feels like a silver lining. Progress.
The past week has felt like an ordeal, and while I’ve been able to keep some perspective – I wasn’t physically harmed by the hurricane, the land is still beautiful and peaceful, and we have avocados for days – it’s all been pretty destabilizing. Not having wifi has made it hard to be in touch with folks abroad (no one makes phone calls anymore, apparently) and stay on top of the day-to-day aspects of my business. I had to cancel sessions and reschedule clients, and it’s been challenging to get back into the swing of things.
What’s been most unsettling for me is the disruption to my routine. I had created a daily process which was a nice balance between my personal practice and work flow. Organizing my morning between journaling, yoga, tending to my business and writing felt good. Productive. The power outage totally threw that off, and then my emotional reaction to not being grounded in my routine has made me even more out of sorts. I’ve been frustrated, cranky and moody. Not cute. What started as my response to a hurricane turned into my struggle with things not being the way I want, and having to adjust.
Earlier today when I was complaining about feeling stressed, Ro suggested that if my process isn’t giving me some peace then maybe it needs to be tweaked. He’s right, and that was my reminder. I control my process, which means I get to decide what I need to move forward.
I’m slowly finding my way back. I’m journaling again in the morning after letting my notebook dry out. I’ve made a backup plan for having coaching sessions. I’m writing and drafting pieces ahead of time to post online when I go into town. I’m still getting up in my yoga asanas every day. I’m doing what needs to be done, and getting my head and heart back in the game.
Things aren’t perfect, but they aren’t all shot to shit either. It’s my responsibility to make a shift and focus on what’s important to me. Put on my big girl panties and get it together. Find my flow.