Mondays are hard. I often find myself grappling with the discomfort of restless anxiety mixed with optimistic hope. Wanting to be productive and needing a slow ease into the week. Feeling a bit untethered, it takes a while to find my footing and get grounded. Today I managed my uneasiness by giving the day some shape – getting into my self-care practice before coffee, a Facetime convo with my mom, an engaging coaching session with a client, an impromptu meeting for a creative project. All attempts to give myself space to be with what’s there, allow, adjust.
The full moon in Aquarius illuminates this process, intensifying the energy, bringing my feelings to the surface. Getting beneath my tidy to-do lists, my plans, goals and good intentions. Aquarius wants us to connect with others, to be of service and find ways to collectively shift toward our highest potential. The lunar eclipse amplifies my awareness of something coming to an end and something new coming in, the end of a cycle and movement into the next. As it shows me what I don’t have control over, I’m invited to trust and be patient with what is unfolding. To reach out for help if I need it and to offer help to those in need. And as much as it all inspires me, it’s also a surrender.
Last night I dreamed that a new ice cream shop opened in town. I walked excitedly up the hill to get a scoop. When I arrived at the outdoor counter, I saw two black women sitting there who looked familiar. They were identical twins. One of them, the “ugly” twin, mumbled an apology to me for something. She was missing a front tooth. The other “pretty” twin smiled at me, her white teeth gleaming. I smiled back, charmed by her beauty and grace. She handed me a pain au chocolat, and I took a big bite. It was delicious.
I receive the message: I am both of those women. The sweet and the shame. The beautiful mess. I don’t need to be fixed. See and let it be.
One of the themes in my recent performance, I Am The Lovers, is the concept of duality, exploring the ways I embrace and reject it within myself and how that gets projected outwardly in my life. I Am The Lovers is about seeing what shines while also looking at what doesn’t want to be seen. The light and the shadow. The beauty and the decay. Creating space to be with all of it.
The energy of this full moon eclipse is reminding me that transformation and change won’t always happen gracefully, that love and fear are the root of all I choose, that it’s necessary to pull back the veil and look closely at what lies on the other side in order to fully embrace my experience. That it’s okay to have days where I stumble to find my way.
It’s also a reminder of my magic. The everyday magic that sustains me and connects me to my intuition and inner knowing. The practical magic of routine and ritual. Of clearing and releasing. Of restoring and healing. Wiping the mirror clean. Beginning again.
This morning I laid Reiki hands on my chest and stomach as I lay in bed. I breathed deeply to quiet the worries in my mind about how the day would unfold. I sat in stillness, spoke words of gratitude to my ancestors, moved through with yoga asanas, laid out my crystals and pulled 3 tarot cards for the week. I contacted that place within, the space created by all. This is my anchor, always.
Sometimes, Mondays are magic.